Last night was The Apprentice finale. The show was filmed at The Hollywood Bowl, which is an outside venue. A few minutes before Trump fired James and hired Stefani, it rained on all our friends and family. How fitting.
By now, anyone who watched the show knows that I quit in the boardroom. From the moment I entered the "bubble," I knew I shouldn't have been there. What most people don't know though, is that I asked, in fact, begged one of the producers to let me go home long before. After the second task, I pleaded for a meeting with Trump so I could resign. The producer told me to get some sleep and promised it would be better in the morning. He meant well but he was wrong. I did go to bed (albeit, on a cot in a tent in a freezing backyard), but I never slept. I got into my sleeping bag, covered my head and cried.
There's a phrase called, "The dark night of the soul." It's a time of radical transformation and sometimes it hurts so badly, you want to die. But, it can also be a time of amazing insight and revelation. For months following The Apprentice, I was in a "dark night of the soul." During that time, I gave up on ever having a fulfilling life. I was depressed.
Being on The Apprentice was the worst experience of my life, and the best thing I could've ever done. See, once I made it through my dark night, I found the courage to change. I took inventory of my life and decided to quit anything that no longer served me. I quit a big career, unhealthy friendships and bad habits. I was terrified. But continuing on as before was no longer an option, thereby making The Apprentice a "Dark Knight," which became the catalyst for change. Thank you.
On my desk there's a picture of a gorgeous rose with a poem by Anais Nin that says, "And then the day came, when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to bloom."
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19 comments:
Beautifully written, Michelle. I love what you said about change and letting go of people and things that no longer serve you. I have been there, big time. I believe that's the best decision we can make. Often times, it's the hardest too. Bless you, Michelle! The best is yet to come.
above from Carmen (myspace/apprentice vi)
Michelle:
As already said in your other blogs, obviously what happened on "The Apprentice" was a forerunner of what you are doing now. I never realized you wanted to quit after the second task, but you did hang on for one additional task, got through it and then got to quit in a way that made you look much more respectful in the eyes of those who only see the show and don't take the time to see the real you.
Obviously, you are doing what in your heart what you feel is right, and that is all that matters in the end.
i don't like Politics and playing games either. If i was you, i would quit too.
myspace ccjiang
Well said, Michelle. In retrospect of what I seen on TV regarding the tour bus task, I'm not that surprised that you requested to leave earlier. I'm glad you hung in as long as you did, though.
Deciding what matters the most and maintaining a degree of integrity is far better than the spectacle that is The Apprentice, at least this past season.
Terrific insight, Michelle.
People live their whole lives never appreciating these experiences for what they are and instead become stuck or obsessed with being a victim of someone else’s wrong doing – when it is they who made the choices to attract and accept their fate.
I wish you well as you transform. My only advice (though, I appreciate you didn’t ask for it) is to go forward with a clean, expansive heart. You don’t have to zero sum an experience to prove your point or bolster your position.
You’ve got the goods. Go forth and use them.
Michelle, you are an extremely strong woman. Most people would neither have stood up in the boardroom or would even post about themselves the way you do. That alone shows that you are not the "quitter" as you have been told.
Very often "quitting" is way harder than staying. Because what we really do is changing; something that many are afraid of and avoid if even possible.
For me you are the true winner of the show.
Hi Michelle,
Did you know that you won the apprentice?
Yeah, you did because you did something unique, something that no other participant has done before and that is that you followed your heart and you stick very firm to your decision of leaving the show and that my friend makes you the biggest winner of all the 5 seasons combine!
Great experience believe it or not but its over!
Now the Future awaits and Focus on that because you have thousands of doors open...
tu amigo
~Ricardo
i can't possibly imagine how it must have been difficult amongst all the sharks around you.
failure should be looked at as a learning step towards the bigger thing.
This is very interesting but a book with a twist like "quit to win" could be a good seller.
Wish you the best. I was wondering if you could leave a comment on the apprentice post for your episode
http://mvbarer.blogspot.com/2007/01/apprentice-theres-something-about.html
If not enjoy reading it and thank you for turning me on to your blog.
Michelle, your journey is so inspiring. I also love that Anais Nin quote. Here's another I heard once from an old-style preacher: "Never doubt in the dark what you believed in the light."
- Gary
I've enjoyed reading your blog.
I was disappointed when you left the show and think it's great that you explained your reasons here.
Best of luck to you!
Michelle,
Months ago, I shared the idea that sometimes the best in life is found at the worst of times if we stick our head up and look for it. Keep on your trek and don't succomb to the distress of the darkness. You haven't and shouldn't.
I must point out the one ignoring the opportunity for personal growth is Trump himself. He has "jumped the shark" in his life and business and doesn't even know he is all wet.
You go girl.
Steve
Michelle, I wrote a short blurb on your project on my blog.
Great interview you did with Armchair Apprentice. I was about halfway through it when writing this, and Mike and Marjorie did a great job interviewing you.
I never realized you didn't even want to watch an episode after the one where you quit before listening to that interview.
Hey Wallyhoarse, could you give me a link to that interview?
I just listened to the podcast. It was interesting and if she read any of my reviews, she may be angry with me, because not everything that I wrote about her was complimentry at the time. In order for the blog to work I have to be very pointed.
Then again, who says she ever read it.
Michelle,
You inspire me in every way--you compromise nothing.
You succeed in big business while wholeheartedly embracing your sentimental side. You maintain your fun, sun-loving Southern Cal. lifestyle without giving into the shallowness of forgetting to give back. When it seems like you can't have one without the other--you seem to have it all. I've been told a sensitive person like me who loves poetry is not suited for a business world. Society judges blondes as superficial airheads. But you prove them all wrong...sorry for the long intro. To get to your writing:
People just say, "never quit" as if that is ALWAYS the noble thing to do. But to keep going in a wrong direction merely for the sake of "never quitting" is plain nonsense. I think what you did [by quitting] was very noble. As you said on the air, you stayed true to your integrity. You were already a winner prior to entering the show. There is no need for a winner to be sleeping in the tents!
-El
Michelle,
Great blog. It sounds like you have come out of this painful experience with a greater wisdom. Good for you. Hang in there, you have lots of fans who love you even more now.
Roman
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